Saturday, April 9, 2011

So Long Old Friend ...

It started out abused, abandoned .... left by the waspy designer whose even waspier clients had decided that it was "too big" and "too green". Left to the elements and loveless home of the jilted upholsterer who had worked so hard on a project that was just "too wrong".
But then came a charming prince. A handsome, charming, and bargain hunting prince named Scotticus. Scotticus saw the beauty in the abandoned "too green", "too big" lovable lug, and carried it home on his Horse named Honda to the Heights of Presidio.
As the years went by, Handsome and Charming Prince Scotticus moved the now happy "too big", "too green" lovable lug from it's birthplace of San Francisco, to the hot and dusty plains of West Texas. TBTG (as we'll call it for short) lived happily in his new home. Meeting new friends, like the Blue Wash pottery vase and majolica urn.
But Handsome, Charming Scotticus was called away yet again, and TBTG was packed up and moved to the new and bustling Virginia Beach. TBTG never quite felt at home in Virginia Beach, TBTG was crammed in his new space. Scotticus, Charming and Caring as he was ... knew that TBTG would be better off in a loftier space. So off to the Hot and Sensual City of Miami they fled. At home in its new high rise loft, TBTG lived open and free, like a horse at pasture, and Scotticus gleamed.
But the day came yet again, when Charming Scotticus was called away, to urgent business back in the dusty plains of West Texas, where TBTG knew there was an even deadlier, more menacing villain to contend. The evil Artiemoose. Artiemoose, a designer with a firm dislike for all things "too big" and "too green", along with those "too wrong" was cryptonite to TBTG. So TBTG fought the move. Kicking and Screaming, tossing it's throw pillows and rumpling it's cushions.
Sweet, Charming Scotticus urged TBTG to understand, his love for the menacing Grinch Artiemoose was growing and somehow, they had to both learn to live in the same space, happily together. And for a while, they did. Artiemoose decorated around TBTG, painting walls to help camouflage his immense green-ness. He even bought green accessories, and tried every possible coordinating color and fabric available.

Every day the evil Artiemoose wished that TBTG would give up it's silent battle, and retreat. And as TBTG grew older, Artiemoose knew the day was quickly approaching. On TBTG's 13th birthday (900 in sofa years) the evil Artiemoose convinced the Charming and Handsome Scotticus to send TBTG to the nursing home for the "too big" and the "too green".

The evil Artiemoose consoled the sobbing Scotticus, "you can still visit him, Scotticus, he'll be better taken care of now." And as Scotticus climbed onto the borrowed horse Tahoe, Artiemoose let out a devilish laugh ... So long Old friend ... hello, new sidekick!

April 1997 - April 2011


  1. Sorry Artie, I liked TBTG!!! and LOVED your story! We all have those type of dwellers that sneak in now and then "When our partners go shopping alone"!!! My guys have carried in many an antique from my SUV "GRUMBLING" that their 6'2 statures were NOT going to find comfort on them...And I must confess I am VERY guilty of saying "It's for show"... Thanks for sharing your VERY Cute story and R.I.P to TBTG!!!
    Have a great weekend,

  2. Love the story on this post of yours,
    we all get attached to the things we love, but there will come a time to bid goodbye... ♥

    Have a lovely weekend ♥

  3. Loved this post! This was just brilliant. 900 in sofa years - made me laugh out loud. RIP TBTG. Kat

  4. So funny! I rooted for the villain through the whole story.

    Godspeed TBTG.

  5. Ha, ha. Wonderful story Artie!

    Happy to hear that TBTG is spending its final days in a Nursing Home rather than in a landfill site or worse ..... a Storage Pod that Scotticus may be concealing from Artiemoose.

  6. absolutely hysterical!!! I loved this fable! 900 in sofa years-- tooooo funny, and true.

    hope Scotticus is doing okay today without his beloved TBTG.... just think how happy he'll be when the beautiful fair linen lady arrives next week;)

  7. Artie, LMAO! May TBTG RIP. Although I need to go down to my basement to make sure Scotticus and Tahoe didn't bring TBTG to reside with my 900+ year old occupants. Have a great weekend. SJR

  8. Very funny. Of course I'm the 'Artiemoose' in our house, with many TBTG things that my 'Scotticus' refuses to let go of...I understand the drama!

    But boy, just by shear number of moves it was time for TBTG to go!

  9. Artie too funny!! I loved it though in the image with the large work of art and all of the orange accents!

    Art by Karena

  10. Oh how we try for the ones we love (the keeping of the sofa, the getting rid of the sofa...). Great story! Now what's to come??

  11. This story is cracking me up this morning! I've got TBTG's wayward brother in my living room. He came along when 'DOT' moved home after her dad had a run in with a semi (truck for non-westerners). She moved back to Denver, but TBTG's brother is STILL here!! Help-send the troops out west to Colorado! ♥♫

  12. You're a genius Artiemoose, oh evil one! But 900 years is long enough for any sofa, big and green or not! Can't wait to see what you and Scotticus replace TBTG with. I'm having sofa wars too. I seem to have way to many and have two on order. Kids are fighting over the leftovers! Have a great weekend my friend. Your story killed me! In a good way! ~Delores

  13. Evil evil artimous. But I cannot wait to see the beautiful white sidekick!

  14. Oh, Artiemoos! I like that big ole green TBTG! This was so cute and you're talented in so many ways!
    Now, Most Evil One, can't wait to see what you sneek in!
    Be an evil sweetie,
    Shelia ;)

  15. OK Artie, I'm just rollin' on the floor! Can't wait to see what you have in store for that space.
    Have a great weekend.
    ~ ~Ahrisha~ ~

  16. That sofa has seen many years!

    Rashon aka Mr. Goodwill Hunting

  17. hahahahahahah Artiemoose! My 900 sofa years should be back in a new outfit this week! We'll have to compare results! Mine will have Artiemoose bottles as sidekicks!!! I'm still laughing!

    Just posted your bottles on the site! They are so beautiful in the shop!

  18. omg! i had NO idea. it is way past the time to get a new sofa! do not feel guilty about that purchase. though something must be wrong, what - the order is delayed?

  19. Ha shot out mouth onto keyboard....